Post by ♫.Starredmyst on Nov 17, 2007 11:38:39 GMT -5
[shadow=8B814C,left,300]Starredmyst[/shadow]
"Should I let you fall?
Lose it all
So maybe you can remember yourself
Can't keep believing
We're only deceiving
Ourselves and I'm sick of the lies..."
~Evanescence, 'Call Me When You're Sober'
To.♥.begin.♥.with
Name. Starredmyst
Warrior name. Starredmyst
Nicknames. Starr
Gender. Female
Age. Twenty moons
Birth Clan. IvoryClan
Past Clans. none
Current Clan. IvoryClan
Rank. Warrior - Leader's daughter
-.-.-.-
How.♥.They.♥.See.♥.Me
Build. This she-cat is rangy and tough, rather reminiscent of a cougar. She is larger than a lot of cats, but in a long-legged, lean sort of way -- almost stringy. She doesn't give off the appearance of a pampered princess -- it's clear she's a fighter, and a good one, too.
Fur. Thick and rough, Starr's fur is a warm bluish-grey, solidly the same color no matter what light or angle you look at it from. It's long and coarse, continuing the impression of a seasoned wanderer.
Eyes. A pale green.
Other. Despite the rest of her appearance, Starr isn't nearly as heavily scarred and worn as the real fighters of the Clan. This in and of itself says a lot to other cats, though her outward appearance certainly doesn't need it to look tough.
Personality. Starr is...not always a very pleasant cat. She has an acid tongue and a talent for sarcasm, isn't afraid to be completely blunt with no care to others' feelings, and makes absolutely no effort to seem like a fun cat to be around. Oh, she knows how to do it, all right -- you have to, being leader's daughter -- but it's so much more fun to scare the stupid kiss-ups off with a cruel attitude. She tends to be very pragmatic and opportunistic -- she's generally not afraid to change sides in the middle of a battle -- but she also has her limits for being hurt and watching others' pain, and if pressed will stand up for what she believes in. It's not that her beliefs aren't strong -- it's just that she doesn't have many, and is rather afraid to solidify those she might have.
Hobbies and talents. Starr has inherited a certain ability that's been in her family for generations; she is able to make a similar sound to a cougar's scream. It rips her throat out doing it often, but she takes pride in being the first in generations to do it and uses it as her battle cry. She's always wanted to be a fighter and has no lack of talent at sparring, but her father refuses to permit his kits to hunt, let alone join the battlers. She's fast and talented at picking up tricks from others -- she's not afraid to learn.
Faults and dislikes. Starredmyth's sharp tongue has already been mentioned; she has a temper to match and in her place as leader's daughter hasn't learned the manners to keep from lashing out. She hasn't got the best of social skills, and is a finicky eater -- she absolutely refuses to touch about half of what's in the freshkill pile with the exception of mice, rabbits and fish, and is still incredibly picky about all but the last of those three.
-.-.-.-
In.♥.My.♥.Heart
Parents.Shimmersoul & Patchstar
Siblings. Darktalon,Moonkit
Teaching Me. Silversoul,Jetfur
My Proteges. Burningpaw
Closer than a friend. Not taken =)
After me.. No kits
Other Family. Nightpaw&sibs{second cousins}, Silversoul{aunt/mentor},Jetfur{uncle/mentor}
Gone but unforgotten.
Shimmersoul - died when Moonkit was born
Moonkit - stillborn
Jetfur - died of whitecough
History.
Starredmyst was born on the day of her mother's death. It is a fact that haunts her, though most cats would come to forget the queen they never knew. She is the striking image of her queen, though her opposite in personality; and, in the twisted way that our subconscious writhes, she feels that it is her fault her mother died.
She has one brother, and perhaps for a few brief seconds had a sister as well; however, Moonkit was announced as stillborn and the cause of Shimmersoul's death. Starr has absolutely no memory of this mother she never knew -- rather, dim foggy recollections of Silversoul, her aunt and the cat that took Shimmersoul's place, and the foster mother that gave her milk, whose name Silversoul never later revealed.
Starr and her brother were never very close; it's not that there was something to keep them apart, but that they are both very individual souls and rarely care for another's company. Starredmyst has gotten more than enough out of her aunt and, later, mentor; she even got to know Jetfur some before his death, and there never was a more individual cat than Silversoul's mate.
Strangely, though, it was always her father she was closest to, even more than her foster queen. Starredmyst and Patchstar have many differences; but after many arguments that sometimes turned to all-out shouting matches, Starr has come to accept her father's flaws and love him for who he is: the closest relative she has. They have a tight bond, one that somehow doesn't pull apart despite the many times the daughter, not the father, asserts herself and her beliefs.
One of the crowning moments of Starr's -- admittedly rather plain -- life was her cousins' birth. Silversoul announced that she was having kits about a moon into Starr's training {at which point Jetfur took her as apprentice along wither her brother} and Starr was there to witness the event. She immediately latched onto the eldest, now Nightpaw, and has since played something of a hand in his training as Silversoul did hers.
Nowadays, these close family members are the only ones who escape the wrath of Starr's tongue and merciless opinions. Things have begun stirring in the Clan, and she is unsettled by the rank they place her -- and, more importantly, her father...
Since then.
Patchstar's behavior has become increasingly defensive lately. Starr is worried about its effects on the Clan, and isn't certain she can keep supporting her father's actions and subtly curbing them if he keeps becoming more -- well -- more tyrannical.
Starr has noticed Darksong behaving rather oddly, having interesting dreams and whatnot. She's going to follow him and irritate him until he tells her what's up, for the sake of pure curiosity.
Companionship.
Patchstar - Starr has a bit of a love-hate relationship with her dad. She does love him, because he's her father and he adores her, but there are times she really just can't stand what he does.
Nightpaw - Nightpaw's mother was Starr's aunt, and kinship is more important to IvoryClan than other Clans. Starr got to know her aunt in the early days after Shimmersoul's death, and actually witnessed Nightpaw's birth. She enjoys playing the role of "big sister" to her cousin and even helps with his training when Daddy's not looking her way.
Moonwhisker - Starr appreciates Moonwhisker's practical attitude and all the help she does for the Clan, though she and the deputy aren't very close.
Enmity.
cats exist
Otherwise known.
Arcticpool - Starr appreciates Arcticpool's reputation and position, but has never had the opportunity to get to know the she-cat.
Darksong - Starr doesn't really know Darksong at all, although he woke her up once while having a dream from StarClan. She's skeptical of the reality of the dream but interrogated him about it over little more than curiosity.
Flowerpelt - Starr's still forming an opinion of the gentle she-cat. However, Flowerpelt really doesn't appeal to Starr's bad girl side and they probably won't be close friends.
Silverstripe - Starr admires Silverstripe for his willingness to speak out for what he feels is right and feels rather bad that he incurred Patchstar's wrath; she always feels somewhat responsible for her father's blunders and wishes she could have done something to help the situation.
Ghost/Canary - Starr doesn't know these cats except for the brief glimpse she had of them during the confrontation with Patchstar, but feels vaguely sympathetic with their troubles.
-.-.-.-
Pics
Mini graphic a la TnT
Mini graphic a la WxNSD
-.-.-.-
In.♥.Addendum
--♥♥ Rubish cow.
-.-.-.-
A.♥.Moment.♥.In.♥.Time
"I thought I'd find you here."
The she-cat's voice was wry, affectionate despite the touch of sarcasm; it made the young apprentice start and look around, eyes widened, before she caught sight of her aunt. On seeing the older she-cat, though, Starredpaw relaxed at once; offered her mentor a watery smile and laid back down where she was on the sunning rock, not quite asking the other cat to join her but hardly rejecting her presence.
Silversoul did join her, leaping smoothly from one rock to the next; though no longer quite such a young cat, her stomach heavy with her unborn kits, she was still as beautiful as she had been when she was her apprentice's age. Slim and graceful, she was, with the pelt of silver fire that was said to appear once in each of her line's generations. The faintest of tabby lines marked her forehead, but they were far less than were said to have existed on Starredpaw's mother's pelt. Shimmersoul -- her sister, now dead for nearly ten and a half moons.
Starredpaw sighed at the thought and put her head on one paw, dangling the other out in the chill water around her rock. It was leafbare, most of the way through it, and cold; by now the stone had pulled most of the heat from her body, and the frigid water chilled her paw in seconds. Almost reluctantly, she pulled it out.
"Jetfur told me you were sulking," Silversoul went on inexorably, relaxing on the next stone over all the way on one side. Her kits would be coming soon, Starr was fairly certain; certainly, her mate Jetfur had become quite anxious and hovering of late. It was quite annoying during practice sessions. "He said your brother noticed some hullabaloo around Patchstar's den this morning, and that struck the both of us as unusual; it's been a while since your Darkpaw saw fit to notice anything." The flick of her ear invited Starredpaw to join in on the joke, but the blue-grey apprentice didn't even twitch a whisker; not even cracks about her brother's recent moodiness could lift her heavy mood.
"Save it, if you're going to lecture me," the leader's daughter said in a deadpan voice. "Yes; I had an argument with Daddy. No; I'm not going to apologize to him. I'm almost a warrior and I've a mind of my own," she added tartly, acidly, as if someone had challenged the fact.
"I never said you should," was her aunt's surprising answer, hardly less tart though delivered in the same calm tone she'd always displayed towards her apprentice. Silversoul was something of a foster queen to her young motherless niece; certainly, she was the closest thing Starr had to one. "StarClan knows I don't agree with your father on all counts, Starredmyst. I've had a spat with him once or twice myself, thought not -- recently." Since Starr's birth and her mother's death, but the older she-cat rolled on too quickly for her to be bitter about the thought. "Tell me about it. Maybe I can help."
Starr was silent a long moment. Slowly, she lifted her wet paw and held it above the water, staring at its reflection; dropped it in with a heavy splash; drew it out and held it up again, watching, mournfully, as the ripples spread out across the reflection of the sky, warping it, dissipating one by one.
"I hate it when we fight," she said at last, quietly, miserably. "He's so nice to me, Silversoul, he pampers me and I know it. I hate that but I love it too, because it means he loves me;" and now the words were spilling out in a flood "but he can use it against me too when he wants too and he's not afraid to just because I'm his daughter, we used to get along and he'd let me have my way but I think he sees I'm not such a kit anymore and it -- scares him -- because what I have to say means something, Silversoul, really it does! I -- I see what he's doing and I -- I hate it, StarClan I hate it, and -- he sees it and, and it scares him, crowfood it scares me because he doesn't see what I see through the same eyes as me, it's like he doesn't care anymore and -- and --"
She stuttered, running out of words. Seeing her reflection, shorn of its usual sarcasm, and afraid of how to cover it. Any other cat would have drawn closer, would have comforted her with empty words -- but not Silversoul. Silversoul knew her. Silversoul, bless her, waited quietly for her to find those words again and try to explain herself.
So she took a deep shuddering breath and tried again.
"I caught him at it, this time. Being -- the way he is, when he's not with me or Darkpaw." Her voice was bitter. "He was beating the mousedung out of some tom who'd apparently insulted him, him and three other big bullies of cats. I dunno what the tom did, and maybe I should've asked, but -- but -- it was cruel, Silversoul. I didn't --" she faltered, "when I was littler, I didn't know he could be so cruel. He was begging and pleading and -- and he looked like he was gonna pass out. So I went and got the medicine cat and the medicine cat gave Daddy a tongue thrashing and took the cat off, and you know Daddy can't do anything about the medicine cat so he -- he --"
It took another deep breath to keep her calm. Her facade of calm. The eyes in her reflection were wide and agonized; Silversoul's, calm and expressionless, no more a mirror for her feelings than her ever-motherly voice. "I --" again, she stopped; "I started yelling at him when he took me into his den. He wasn't -- he didn't say anything, not really, but he just gave me this look and it was so -- mean, so scornful, like there was nothing about me worth bothering with and -- it was the same way he'd been treating the tom and it made me so mad, I kept yelling at him and he started yelling back and --"
Her voice caught again and this time she couldn't make herself go on; she was crying now, hating herself for crying where anyone could see it, because crying was a weakness. Tears dropped into the sea, scalding against the ice-cold water but made with the same sort of salt. Distantly, a part of her wondered if this water were made all of tears -- and who on earth could have so much to cry over.
"I won't ask you what he said." Silversoul spoke now, and her voice was low, serene. Gentle and supportive, but not overbearing. Oh, how she loved Silversoul. "I will tell you that he was angry, love, and what he said was out of that anger, not truth. Don't let it consume you; you know you did the right thing, and when something is right, Starr, don't let something as small as family stop you. If your mother had --" her voice faltered and she hesitated; "-- a long time ago, a choice your mother made would almost have killed your father. I was never quite able to bring myself to the mousebrained idea that she'd have chosen me over the leader, but, well, she could be a bit flutterbrained like that." Her voice thickened; she swallowed. "But what I was saying, love -- I know it's hard, but this is life. It's not an easy thing, and sometimes darkness can all but cover our ideals and our dreams. You're young, Starr; don't let that happen to you. See for yourself that even if there's no black and white, there are shades of grey -- look and pick which ones are darkest and lightest, and don't be afraid to act on those choices. There's a lot to live for in this world besides anger."
The words were comforting, somehow, despite the bleakness they held on the surface. Feeling oddly calm now that she'd cried herself out, Starr was quiet, staring at her reflection -- and then she looked up at her mentor and saw that the clear calm eyes were glittering with something suspiciously like tears. Those eyes, Starredpaw remembered suddenly, were the one thing she had not inherited from her mother, and one of the few about both Silver and Shimmer that had held none of the subtle differences that told them apart. Pale blue, they were, a beautiful deep pale blue.
"And besides," the she-cat's voice low, with a faint hint of amusement, "you know how toms can be when they're angry."
[/center][/size]"Should I let you fall?
Lose it all
So maybe you can remember yourself
Can't keep believing
We're only deceiving
Ourselves and I'm sick of the lies..."
~Evanescence, 'Call Me When You're Sober'
To.♥.begin.♥.with
Name. Starredmyst
Warrior name. Starredmyst
Nicknames. Starr
Gender. Female
Age. Twenty moons
Birth Clan. IvoryClan
Past Clans. none
Current Clan. IvoryClan
Rank. Warrior - Leader's daughter
-.-.-.-
How.♥.They.♥.See.♥.Me
Build. This she-cat is rangy and tough, rather reminiscent of a cougar. She is larger than a lot of cats, but in a long-legged, lean sort of way -- almost stringy. She doesn't give off the appearance of a pampered princess -- it's clear she's a fighter, and a good one, too.
Fur. Thick and rough, Starr's fur is a warm bluish-grey, solidly the same color no matter what light or angle you look at it from. It's long and coarse, continuing the impression of a seasoned wanderer.
Eyes. A pale green.
Other. Despite the rest of her appearance, Starr isn't nearly as heavily scarred and worn as the real fighters of the Clan. This in and of itself says a lot to other cats, though her outward appearance certainly doesn't need it to look tough.
Personality. Starr is...not always a very pleasant cat. She has an acid tongue and a talent for sarcasm, isn't afraid to be completely blunt with no care to others' feelings, and makes absolutely no effort to seem like a fun cat to be around. Oh, she knows how to do it, all right -- you have to, being leader's daughter -- but it's so much more fun to scare the stupid kiss-ups off with a cruel attitude. She tends to be very pragmatic and opportunistic -- she's generally not afraid to change sides in the middle of a battle -- but she also has her limits for being hurt and watching others' pain, and if pressed will stand up for what she believes in. It's not that her beliefs aren't strong -- it's just that she doesn't have many, and is rather afraid to solidify those she might have.
Hobbies and talents. Starr has inherited a certain ability that's been in her family for generations; she is able to make a similar sound to a cougar's scream. It rips her throat out doing it often, but she takes pride in being the first in generations to do it and uses it as her battle cry. She's always wanted to be a fighter and has no lack of talent at sparring, but her father refuses to permit his kits to hunt, let alone join the battlers. She's fast and talented at picking up tricks from others -- she's not afraid to learn.
Faults and dislikes. Starredmyth's sharp tongue has already been mentioned; she has a temper to match and in her place as leader's daughter hasn't learned the manners to keep from lashing out. She hasn't got the best of social skills, and is a finicky eater -- she absolutely refuses to touch about half of what's in the freshkill pile with the exception of mice, rabbits and fish, and is still incredibly picky about all but the last of those three.
-.-.-.-
In.♥.My.♥.Heart
Parents.
Siblings. Darktalon,
Teaching Me. Silversoul,
My Proteges. Burningpaw
Closer than a friend. Not taken =)
After me.. No kits
Other Family. Nightpaw&sibs{second cousins}, Silversoul{aunt/mentor},
Gone but unforgotten.
History.
Starredmyst was born on the day of her mother's death. It is a fact that haunts her, though most cats would come to forget the queen they never knew. She is the striking image of her queen, though her opposite in personality; and, in the twisted way that our subconscious writhes, she feels that it is her fault her mother died.
She has one brother, and perhaps for a few brief seconds had a sister as well; however, Moonkit was announced as stillborn and the cause of Shimmersoul's death. Starr has absolutely no memory of this mother she never knew -- rather, dim foggy recollections of Silversoul, her aunt and the cat that took Shimmersoul's place, and the foster mother that gave her milk, whose name Silversoul never later revealed.
Starr and her brother were never very close; it's not that there was something to keep them apart, but that they are both very individual souls and rarely care for another's company. Starredmyst has gotten more than enough out of her aunt and, later, mentor; she even got to know Jetfur some before his death, and there never was a more individual cat than Silversoul's mate.
Strangely, though, it was always her father she was closest to, even more than her foster queen. Starredmyst and Patchstar have many differences; but after many arguments that sometimes turned to all-out shouting matches, Starr has come to accept her father's flaws and love him for who he is: the closest relative she has. They have a tight bond, one that somehow doesn't pull apart despite the many times the daughter, not the father, asserts herself and her beliefs.
One of the crowning moments of Starr's -- admittedly rather plain -- life was her cousins' birth. Silversoul announced that she was having kits about a moon into Starr's training {at which point Jetfur took her as apprentice along wither her brother} and Starr was there to witness the event. She immediately latched onto the eldest, now Nightpaw, and has since played something of a hand in his training as Silversoul did hers.
Nowadays, these close family members are the only ones who escape the wrath of Starr's tongue and merciless opinions. Things have begun stirring in the Clan, and she is unsettled by the rank they place her -- and, more importantly, her father...
Since then.
Patchstar's behavior has become increasingly defensive lately. Starr is worried about its effects on the Clan, and isn't certain she can keep supporting her father's actions and subtly curbing them if he keeps becoming more -- well -- more tyrannical.
Starr has noticed Darksong behaving rather oddly, having interesting dreams and whatnot. She's going to follow him and irritate him until he tells her what's up, for the sake of pure curiosity.
Companionship.
Patchstar - Starr has a bit of a love-hate relationship with her dad. She does love him, because he's her father and he adores her, but there are times she really just can't stand what he does.
Nightpaw - Nightpaw's mother was Starr's aunt, and kinship is more important to IvoryClan than other Clans. Starr got to know her aunt in the early days after Shimmersoul's death, and actually witnessed Nightpaw's birth. She enjoys playing the role of "big sister" to her cousin and even helps with his training when Daddy's not looking her way.
Moonwhisker - Starr appreciates Moonwhisker's practical attitude and all the help she does for the Clan, though she and the deputy aren't very close.
Enmity.
cats exist
Otherwise known.
Arcticpool - Starr appreciates Arcticpool's reputation and position, but has never had the opportunity to get to know the she-cat.
Darksong - Starr doesn't really know Darksong at all, although he woke her up once while having a dream from StarClan. She's skeptical of the reality of the dream but interrogated him about it over little more than curiosity.
Flowerpelt - Starr's still forming an opinion of the gentle she-cat. However, Flowerpelt really doesn't appeal to Starr's bad girl side and they probably won't be close friends.
Silverstripe - Starr admires Silverstripe for his willingness to speak out for what he feels is right and feels rather bad that he incurred Patchstar's wrath; she always feels somewhat responsible for her father's blunders and wishes she could have done something to help the situation.
Ghost/Canary - Starr doesn't know these cats except for the brief glimpse she had of them during the confrontation with Patchstar, but feels vaguely sympathetic with their troubles.
-.-.-.-
Pics
Mini graphic a la TnT
Mini graphic a la WxNSD
-.-.-.-
In.♥.Addendum
--♥♥ Rubish cow.
-.-.-.-
A.♥.Moment.♥.In.♥.Time
"I thought I'd find you here."
The she-cat's voice was wry, affectionate despite the touch of sarcasm; it made the young apprentice start and look around, eyes widened, before she caught sight of her aunt. On seeing the older she-cat, though, Starredpaw relaxed at once; offered her mentor a watery smile and laid back down where she was on the sunning rock, not quite asking the other cat to join her but hardly rejecting her presence.
Silversoul did join her, leaping smoothly from one rock to the next; though no longer quite such a young cat, her stomach heavy with her unborn kits, she was still as beautiful as she had been when she was her apprentice's age. Slim and graceful, she was, with the pelt of silver fire that was said to appear once in each of her line's generations. The faintest of tabby lines marked her forehead, but they were far less than were said to have existed on Starredpaw's mother's pelt. Shimmersoul -- her sister, now dead for nearly ten and a half moons.
Starredpaw sighed at the thought and put her head on one paw, dangling the other out in the chill water around her rock. It was leafbare, most of the way through it, and cold; by now the stone had pulled most of the heat from her body, and the frigid water chilled her paw in seconds. Almost reluctantly, she pulled it out.
"Jetfur told me you were sulking," Silversoul went on inexorably, relaxing on the next stone over all the way on one side. Her kits would be coming soon, Starr was fairly certain; certainly, her mate Jetfur had become quite anxious and hovering of late. It was quite annoying during practice sessions. "He said your brother noticed some hullabaloo around Patchstar's den this morning, and that struck the both of us as unusual; it's been a while since your Darkpaw saw fit to notice anything." The flick of her ear invited Starredpaw to join in on the joke, but the blue-grey apprentice didn't even twitch a whisker; not even cracks about her brother's recent moodiness could lift her heavy mood.
"Save it, if you're going to lecture me," the leader's daughter said in a deadpan voice. "Yes; I had an argument with Daddy. No; I'm not going to apologize to him. I'm almost a warrior and I've a mind of my own," she added tartly, acidly, as if someone had challenged the fact.
"I never said you should," was her aunt's surprising answer, hardly less tart though delivered in the same calm tone she'd always displayed towards her apprentice. Silversoul was something of a foster queen to her young motherless niece; certainly, she was the closest thing Starr had to one. "StarClan knows I don't agree with your father on all counts, Starredmyst. I've had a spat with him once or twice myself, thought not -- recently." Since Starr's birth and her mother's death, but the older she-cat rolled on too quickly for her to be bitter about the thought. "Tell me about it. Maybe I can help."
Starr was silent a long moment. Slowly, she lifted her wet paw and held it above the water, staring at its reflection; dropped it in with a heavy splash; drew it out and held it up again, watching, mournfully, as the ripples spread out across the reflection of the sky, warping it, dissipating one by one.
"I hate it when we fight," she said at last, quietly, miserably. "He's so nice to me, Silversoul, he pampers me and I know it. I hate that but I love it too, because it means he loves me;" and now the words were spilling out in a flood "but he can use it against me too when he wants too and he's not afraid to just because I'm his daughter, we used to get along and he'd let me have my way but I think he sees I'm not such a kit anymore and it -- scares him -- because what I have to say means something, Silversoul, really it does! I -- I see what he's doing and I -- I hate it, StarClan I hate it, and -- he sees it and, and it scares him, crowfood it scares me because he doesn't see what I see through the same eyes as me, it's like he doesn't care anymore and -- and --"
She stuttered, running out of words. Seeing her reflection, shorn of its usual sarcasm, and afraid of how to cover it. Any other cat would have drawn closer, would have comforted her with empty words -- but not Silversoul. Silversoul knew her. Silversoul, bless her, waited quietly for her to find those words again and try to explain herself.
So she took a deep shuddering breath and tried again.
"I caught him at it, this time. Being -- the way he is, when he's not with me or Darkpaw." Her voice was bitter. "He was beating the mousedung out of some tom who'd apparently insulted him, him and three other big bullies of cats. I dunno what the tom did, and maybe I should've asked, but -- but -- it was cruel, Silversoul. I didn't --" she faltered, "when I was littler, I didn't know he could be so cruel. He was begging and pleading and -- and he looked like he was gonna pass out. So I went and got the medicine cat and the medicine cat gave Daddy a tongue thrashing and took the cat off, and you know Daddy can't do anything about the medicine cat so he -- he --"
It took another deep breath to keep her calm. Her facade of calm. The eyes in her reflection were wide and agonized; Silversoul's, calm and expressionless, no more a mirror for her feelings than her ever-motherly voice. "I --" again, she stopped; "I started yelling at him when he took me into his den. He wasn't -- he didn't say anything, not really, but he just gave me this look and it was so -- mean, so scornful, like there was nothing about me worth bothering with and -- it was the same way he'd been treating the tom and it made me so mad, I kept yelling at him and he started yelling back and --"
Her voice caught again and this time she couldn't make herself go on; she was crying now, hating herself for crying where anyone could see it, because crying was a weakness. Tears dropped into the sea, scalding against the ice-cold water but made with the same sort of salt. Distantly, a part of her wondered if this water were made all of tears -- and who on earth could have so much to cry over.
"I won't ask you what he said." Silversoul spoke now, and her voice was low, serene. Gentle and supportive, but not overbearing. Oh, how she loved Silversoul. "I will tell you that he was angry, love, and what he said was out of that anger, not truth. Don't let it consume you; you know you did the right thing, and when something is right, Starr, don't let something as small as family stop you. If your mother had --" her voice faltered and she hesitated; "-- a long time ago, a choice your mother made would almost have killed your father. I was never quite able to bring myself to the mousebrained idea that she'd have chosen me over the leader, but, well, she could be a bit flutterbrained like that." Her voice thickened; she swallowed. "But what I was saying, love -- I know it's hard, but this is life. It's not an easy thing, and sometimes darkness can all but cover our ideals and our dreams. You're young, Starr; don't let that happen to you. See for yourself that even if there's no black and white, there are shades of grey -- look and pick which ones are darkest and lightest, and don't be afraid to act on those choices. There's a lot to live for in this world besides anger."
The words were comforting, somehow, despite the bleakness they held on the surface. Feeling oddly calm now that she'd cried herself out, Starr was quiet, staring at her reflection -- and then she looked up at her mentor and saw that the clear calm eyes were glittering with something suspiciously like tears. Those eyes, Starredpaw remembered suddenly, were the one thing she had not inherited from her mother, and one of the few about both Silver and Shimmer that had held none of the subtle differences that told them apart. Pale blue, they were, a beautiful deep pale blue.
"And besides," the she-cat's voice low, with a faint hint of amusement, "you know how toms can be when they're angry."
