Unnoticed [tagggg.Snowsong] Unforgotten?

[♫.Starredmyst]

The late afternoon sun sent a glowed against the water that marked one edge of camp, staining the waves a warm, deep burnt orange dark as any ginger cat's pelt.

Dark as any ginger cat -- and plenty darker than some. This was certainly the case for the pale tom who was just returning from a woefully unsuccessful hunting trip, limping slightly on one paw and trying his honest hardest to hide it. Rabbit holes are a lot harder to see in the snow.

Risingdawn cast a glance at the small freshkill pile and felt his stomach tighten with a combination of hunger and dread. Food was getting scarce; not so scarce as to risk real starvation, but scarce enough that they needed every scrap of food he could get. Warriors with a bad reputation weren't exactly high on the "need food badly" list, and he was definitely somewhere low on the former. The young tom bit down hard on a sigh, aching with regret at the stupid clumsiness that had twisted his paw and lost the patrol the only rabbit they'd had a chance of catching.

Head low to avoid others' notice, Risingdawn made his way to the sanctuary promised by the warrior den. Once inside, he cast a cursory glance around to make sure he was safely "alone" -- that none of the cats he knew were around to pester him with -- and secured himself an obscure, dark, relatively comfortable corner that he hoped no one had claimed. He tucked his injured paw under his stomach to keep it from casual notice, hiding a wince, and tried to settle down to sleep.

Lately Riss had been busy from dawn to dusk. He wasn't sure if the cause was a jealous Clan cat or the whims of the ancestors, but no sooner had he gotten to know Snowsong than had constant, heavy-duty jobs pulled him away from free time with his Clanmates. He hadn't much cared, either; the silence of his duties were a welcome reprieve from Silverdust's teasing, and almost every night he'd hit the ground already asleep, mind blank with tiredness.

This evening, however, Risingdawn couldn't quite find sleep. It wasn't because he was hungry or his paw was hurting; for the most part, both hurts had settled to almost nonexistence by the time he himself had settled down. It was the purely mental pain of knowing he'd messed up the hunt, again.

He knew he was dwelling, exaggerating his part in the unsuccessful patrol. But he'd never had the ability to pull himself out of morose daydreaming, and tonight there was no Silv around to snap him out of it. All to the better, whispered part of his mind, the part that seemed to take a strange sort of pleasure from when he beat himself up mentally, it's not as though you deserve any help anyway.

Hopefully he'd be able to go on unnoticed until sleep took him.

[.&&. Snowsong.]

Within her jaws as she padded silently and delicately into Camp were two nearly scrawny rabbits; Snowsong figured that she and the second rabbit had run into each other after a patrol missed it. Her alabaster lobes slightly flicked as she spotted Risingdawn's pale ginger tale-tip slip into the warriors' den. She hadn't gotten a chance to know him any better, and she felt slightly uncomfortable, as if she had a sixth instinct that told her something was wrong with him. She placed one rabbit into the fresh-kill pile and padded over to the warriors' den with the second one.

As she reached the entrance, she paused for a moment, and then silently and delicately padded in. Her gray orbs, now shadowed ebony, rested upon the only tom within the warriors' den. He seemed upset, and she felt uncomfortable with that; StarClan knows why. She padded over to him, and that was when she noticed that one of his paws were, well, under his underbelly. "Uhm, hello, Risingdawn...," she murmured quietly with her usual calm and distant tone. She gently placed the rabbit in front of him, before settling down in front of him.

Her orbs couldn't help but remain upon the spot where his paw should have been if he was laying down correctly, unless he took a liking to laying like that, in which she doubted. "... Something wrong, with today and.. your paw...?" She didn't know for certain if she was figuring correctly, but her 'sixth instinct' was urging her on. She still hated speaking much, though.

[♫.Starredmyst]

Risingdawn was immediately aware of Snowsong when she entered the den. Her slim white form was one he'd trained himself to recognize anywhere, without even trying to; her scent blew into the den toward him, accompanied by the mouthwatering scent of freshly-killed prey.

He looked down and away, pretending not to notice her arrival; hoping, with a perverse sort of enjoyment in his depression, that she wouldn't notice him. No such luck -- the she-cat must have seen him enter the den, for she made a beeline straight to his corner.

"Uhm, hello, Risingdawn...,"

Much as she had the first time they'd met, Risingdawn didn't speak in answer; instead he stared down at the rabbit she'd dropped in front of him with a sort of disgusted confusion. If he wasn't looking wrong -- not only was it food he hadn't earned, it was very nearly a match for the rabbit he'd lost out in the forest.

"... Something wrong, with today and.. your paw...?"

Risingdawn did glance up at those words; briefly, and then down again before she could read anything in his expression. "Nothing," he answered quietly, attempting to adjust his paw so it wasn't so obviously in an awkward position. "I'm just tired, that's all." No need to get the she-cat involved with his personal tangles; she had enough to deal with as it was...

[.&&. Snowsong.]

Snowsong managed to hinder her tail from lashing as Risingdawn seemed so stubborn to not admit that something was wrong; she figured that he was wrong the moment he didn't reply to her rare greeting. After a moment of hesitating, she settled down in front of his, her orbs burning into his figure. "Something is wrong, and I know it...." She glanced at his paw again, and then got to her paws again. She examined his paw with her orbs, before, after hesitating again, extending her muzzle to gently rub it against his paw. She felt like it seemed somewhat out of order, since she carefully felt the hard areas; her memorization of her own hard spot structure within her paw helped. "Your paw is harmed, isn't it...? And don't tell me you're upset over that and... let me guess, missing a rabbit..?" She had noticed his disgusted glance at the rabbit the moment before.

(( Snowsong's intelligent and all, but if you think it's a bit overboard, tell me. ))

[♫.Starredmyst]

OOc;{No, not at all. Actually I wouldn't care if it was, because it's exactly the most interesting thing to say. xD}

Risingdawn's bad mood warred with his common sense as Snowsong persisted. He continued to stare off into the middle distance as the she-cat made some perceptive observations; granted, it was a two-plus-two sort of thing if one knew Riss well, but he wouldn't have granted her -- or himself -- even that depth of relationship yet. The tom pulled away from Snowsong's friendly touch -- not sharply enough to embarrass the she-cat, but quickly enough to make clear his desire to be left alone.

"Forget it," he said stubbornly in a tone that begged the opposite, pushing the rabbit away and laying his head morosely on his -- good -- paw. He was being childish, he knew; knew that he desperately needed someone else to snap him back to good sense, but -- just as childishly -- felt the need to make sure someone cared enough to deal with him at his most petulant, or, conversely, that no one cared enough to bother with him anyway.

And it was the realization of that absurdity that made the wall break down.

"Yes," Risingdawn said suddenly, with a short sigh of exasperation. His tone was just as miserable as it had been earlier, but his glance at Snowsong was now more hopeful than resentful. "You know what, yes, something's wrong. I'm a careless idiot -- a blunderer -- I ruin everything and then go on and make it seem worse than it was -- and StarClan curse it, listen to me -- I'm doing it now!" The words, once let loose, rushed out faster than he could control them. "There's not a single thing on this earth I can do right -- not even make myself feel better about being a failure! And curse it, I know that's not true -- but will you listen to me? I can't even pull myself out of a bad mood! Can't catch a stupid rabbit -- can't keep on my own feet -- can't be bothered to act like a normal cat when I'm feeling a little down -- can't trust other cats -- can't judge when I shouldn't trust other cats -- can't keep my own life in shape, let alone my relationships! Can't go a single day without working myself to exhaustion and doing nothing for the Clan in the process --"

For the first time, Risingdawn seemed to realize what he was saying. As abruptly as the walls had gone down, they came back up again, and he shut his mouth sharply. For a brief moment he fell silent, eyes narrowed resentfully at the paw that had given him away, and then sighed once more.

"Don't bother trying to make any of that out. It was nonsense. I'm just -- stressed, that's all."

[.&&. Snowsong.]

(( Oh, yay, thanks! I can use her sixth instinct now! [ She got it from me. xD ] Whoa, Snow's really gonna get concerned because of Riss now. xDD ))

Snowsong hindered her orbs from widening as Risingdawn seemed to open up, spilling everything out. Now she was really bothered, especially concerned. She padded closer to him and settled down beside him, and she made certain that their pelts wouldn't be close enough to accidentally brush. She did flick her tail over his shoulder as he began to finish. Once he shut his jaws, her orbs, that had been resting upon the darkest of the warriors' den, drifted back to him.

"Relax... No cat is perfect, and even if it seems that you can't do anything at all, you just need to look closer at the things you can or have done." She glanced at her paws as she retracted her tail and wrapped it over them; she felt slightly guilty that she had some better skills than him. Her orbs soon snapped to him again. "You've managed to become a warrior, and you've managed to gain my true trust, which is usually difficult.... You've managed to keep yourself from clawing a cat's fur off, you've managed to get past hardships and pull through. You've managed to --" She abruptly broke off and shut up as she figured that she was speaking too much.

"Uhm, my apologies; I didn't mean to open my yap that much..." Alright, now what? She wasn't acting her usual self, was she?

[♫.Starredmyst]

OOc;{Sounds fun =D Haha. I've had this sudden urge to roleplay an extremely morose, self-hating character lately, and Riss is providing the perfect outlet.}

Risingdawn listened silently to Snowsong's flood of words; silently, but with a carefully expressionless face and slowly darkening eyes. To a receptive cat -- or, as was frequently Silverdust's case, one who knew him well -- it was clear he didn't really give credit to a word Snowsong said.

But the ginger tom actually smiled at her last sentence. "Don't apologize," he said, voice light for the first time. "I like it when you talk -- naturally, I mean. It's a lot nicer to talk to you when I don't feel like I'm forcing you to speak."

Then he sighed, a wry expression flitting across his muzzle. "I'm doing it again, aren't I?" he asked Snowsong ruefully; the self-doubt wasn't gone from his voice, but it wasn't as deep and destructive as it had been moments before. "Playing on cats so I can drown myself in self-pity. Don't -- I mean -- cats take me so seriously sometimes that I forget that I'm, I don't know...so serious a cat myself? I'm not sure how to explain it. I just --"

He hesitated, and then admitted in a somewhat ashamed tone of voice, "Sometimes I'll just get into these moods when I -- can't stand myself. It doesn't make any sense and I don't do myself justice when I feel that way, but I just -- it's so much easier to justify myself as an idiot than someone who actually means something. It's an old habit, from when...from moons ago. I'm trying to break myself of it -- Silv helps me so much sometimes, but...I don't know. I get into these circles I can't pull myself out of."

He stopped, feeling embarrassed to admit these ideas and fishing for words to explain himself better. "I guess -- would you understand what I meant if I said unhappiness can be an addiction?"

[.&&. Snowsong.]

(( LOL. Poor Riss; maybe Snow could try to cheer him up, even though I doubt she could do much. xD ))

Her lobes slightly pricked up as the tone Risingdawn used seemed to lighten, and Snowsong shifted her paws closer to her chest. Her orbs drifted halfway away from him, and she slightly flicked her tail as he continued. Once his vocal chords began to work again, her orbs averted to him again. She was about to part her jaws at his question when he continued, and she listened to each word he spoke.

Once he finished, her lobes slightly flicked. "I understand what you mean; it sometimes -- alright, usually -- feels like unhappiness is an addiction. I also understand what you mean by you can't standing yourself, and it's truly difficult to quit hating yourself, but you've got to try; if you feel like things are still crashing down for trying, try harder." She hesitated for a moment, before continuing. "When life hurls hundreds of possibilities of failure at you, give life a thousand possibilities of success as retaliation. I'll be one of those who'll be there to make certain you could succeed."

Inwardly, she slightly doubted herself. She hid her dislike of herself well, and she somehow managed to assist others but herself. She didn't mind though, and something in her mind said, "if it's for Risingdawn, it's worth it."

[♫.Starredmyst]

OOc;{Oh, but love makes eeeeeverything better! -sickeningly sweet face-}

Risingdawn sighed at Snowsong's words, a strange, almost nostalgic smile flickering across his face. He stared out into the distance past the den exit; out onto the water, darkening as the sun dipped lower, and the first hints of navy up in the sky. It was a moment before he spoke.

"Logically, I know that." His voice was quiet, loaded with some sort of hidden amusement. "I know I'm better than I give myself credit for. And yet -- yet somehow, in that simple sentence, there are so many ways to feel horrible. It'll give me an ego. It's wrong of me not to give myself credit. Sometimes, at the worst, I just think 'I can say that all I want and it won't be true.'"

But his expression was serene now, and though he was clearly still careful to avoid drawing notice to his paw, his eyes lightened a little when he turned to Snowsong.

"Think you can bear with me when I act like a two-moon-old mousebrain and say those things? If you remember --" his smile was slight, but genuine -- "the first day we met, I was the one telling you those things. I think we take turns at it."

Not for the first time -- and as the final effort to pull himself from self-pity -- he wondered what it was that made Snowsong feel the way he sometimes did. After all -- scars aren't something a cat is born with, physical or emotional, and StarClan knew they both had some.

[.&&. Snowsong.]

(( LOL, indeed it does. Snow's gonna be a little different in this post. xD ))

Snowsong was taken by surprise at Risingdawn's last few statements, and she felt slightly embarrassed. "Uh.. Uhm..." She was out of words at the moment, and she sharply glanced away. She began to dig within her mind for words, and soon found them, despite their probably lameness. "Well, I.. I suppose we tend to do that..." She slowly shifted her orbs to him again, and she still felt embarrassed. Sucking up the embarrassment and soon concealing it, with some effort, she heaved a faint, nearly inaudible sigh. "Looks like we'll be there for each other whenever the other is down." A faint chuckle escaped her maw, and her lobes slightly flicked.

She then glanced at the entrance of the den. ".... Anyway, ... you feeling any better...? .... Do you.. Uhm.. Need to open up anymore..?" Her tail slightly flicked as she felt slightly stupid for asking that, for she knew that most cats despised spilling, and he seemed to be almost one of them. Oh well, she soon retorted to herself, it's better to find out rather than act like you know for certain they're better.

[♫.Starredmyst]

Clearly, Risingdawn's gentle tease hadn't come across quite the way he'd intended. His face fell as Snowsong shuffled in embarrassment, and he heaved a purely mental sigh. No, he wouldn't dare to ask her about her past for some time yet.

He glanced at her sidelong at the last words, taking his turn to feel a little embarrassed; his expression dark, revealing that perhaps he was not as ready to go on living happy as he claimed, but his voice carefully light.

"No, I'm all right, I'm just -- stressed." Those words again, his standard response to questions on his well-being to anyone but his sister. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. I just -- it's my problem, just a mental thing, you know. I'm over it now."

[.&&. Snowsong.]

(( LMFAO, Snow barely ever does something that Riss wants her to do. xD ))

Snowsong couldn't help but allow a faint chuckle to escape her lips as Risingdawn spoke. "It's always 'I just', 'I'm just'. I think it's a good quality of yours, being able to use those fragments, as well as being capable of making full statements right after them." She felt embarrassed again after stating that comment, or compliment if you will. Her lobes slightly flicked as she glanced halfway away. "My apologies; that was probably something a mouse-brain would say." She then allowed her orbs to shift back to him, and she got into a sitting position, wrapping her tail around her paws again.

"Even if you want me out of here, I'm staying here, just to make sure you don't do anything that could harm you; I trust you, but I don't know for certain if you won't start pummeling yourself." She slightly flicked her lobes again, now concealing the embarrassment and thought that she was acting like a complete idiotic retard.

[♫.Starredmyst]

OOc;{LOL. Snow's "I just" comment made me giggle.}

"I -- um --" Riss choked out at Snowsong's comment on his lack of sentence structure, flushing darkly beneath his fur. "I just --"

He shut his mouth then, realizing that this time he didn't have a sentence to follow up with.

When Snowsong spoke again, however, he gave a startled, soft laugh. For the first time all night, the ginger tom's eyes truly gleamed.

"You know," he said quietly, "I think half the reason I make such an idiot of myself is to see if someone will tell me just that. Even Silv --"

He hesitated, then finished the sentence. "Even Silv doesn't...do that, really. She's -- helpful, but she's too aware of the fact that I'm being a mousebrain to be so...kind about it." Another hesitation, and then, with another laugh -- "Thanks, I guess."

[.&&. Snowsong.]

(( Lol, I giggled while I was typing it myself. ))

Snowsong actually allowed a true smile to play upon her lips, and a faint chuckle escaped her maw again as Risingdawn 'explained' a bit of his behavior. "That's a pleasant half reason; I never would have thought of that myself, I believe." She slightly flicked her tail tip in pleasure, seeing that they both somehow enlightened the mood, and she couldn't help but feel better inside.

Her lobes then flicked as he completed his last couple of statements. "Well, siblings seem to.. Well... They seem to know each other more and place that into natural, how should I put it, faint sibling rivalry?" She hindered herself from smacking herself with her tail as she began to feel that she was beginning to speak mouse-brain again.

When he thanked her, she slightly flicked her tail over to him. "Your welcome.." She shifted to face him, laying onto her underbelly as her orbs rested upon him. She wrapped her tail around her paws and placed her cranium onto her paws, keeping her orbs open to continue to glance, or gaze if you will, at Risingdawn.

(( Snow seems restless.. xD ))

[♫.Starredmyst]

OOc;{Have you noticed that, like, half our posts on this thread start off with LOL or some variation on it?}

Riss grinned at Snowsong's comment. "Yeah, 'sibling rivalry' pretty much wraps it up in a phrase, doesn't it? You've heard me lavishing praise on Silv more than enough times, though, I think -- and imagine how it would be if any of it ever reached her ears. Her head's big enough as it is!"

It was strange, how natural even the awkward moments between them seemed. True, their interactions weren't as smooth those between him and Silverdust; yet, it didn't feel wrong when one of them groped for words. Just that -- they needed to learn to fill the space between them.

So, inadvertently, Riss let down his guard enough to ask the question that was still on his mind.

"You know, you still haven't told me very much about yourself."