Preparing} For H E A R T B R E A K [Ripplepaw]

[.&&. Snowsong.]

Gingerpaw could feel anxiety, anxiousness, and nervousness welling up inside of her as she padding through the forest. She found a tree well hidden, containing a small den-like hole at the bottom of the trunk, and she padded in. She sat down and began to take deep breaths. Yesterday, the omen-seeming occurrences had ceased, and she felt petrified since that was the day she finally admitted to herself that she was certainly in love with Ripplepaw. She had asked him to follow her into the forest to so she could tell him a secret, and that secret would be this. Why did this have to occur to her, though? He was a medicine cat apprentice, and she was an apprentice! She couldn't love him.

Oh well, she eventually thought to perhaps calm herself, at least I'll get it off my chest. I'll feel better after that. With that, she took another deep breath, and then got to her paws. Her head poked out from the entrance of the hole, her gaze scanning the area for Ripplepaw. She waited for a short moment, and then whispered out a call. "Ripplepaw, are you there?"

[xradx]

Ripplepaw padded uncertainly into the forest, not quite sure what he was doing there. Gingerpaw had said she had a secret to tell him, and he was genuinely concerned. After all the omens, he wasn't sure what to make of this mysterious, secret meeting that Gingerpaw had called him to. Of course the omens had stopped, which he thought was a good sign. Unless it's too late to stop whatever they were warning us about... He pushed the thought away. Gingerpaw probably just had some apprentice problem she needed help with. Secret meetings in the forest weren't strange occurrences among friends.

He padded nervously to the place where they were supposed to meet, finding Gingerpaw with her head poked into a hole, calling his name. "I'm here," his voice was barely more than a whisper as he padded up behind her. A nervous guilt clawed at his stomach, as if he wasn't sure he was supposed to be here, but Gingerpaw was his friend and she sounded as if she needed his help. So he would do whatever he could to help her. He took a breath, preparing himself for whatever Gingerpaw had to say.

[.&&. Snowsong.]

Gingerpaw beckoned Ripplepaw into the den, and when he went in, she took a deep breath. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. "Ripplepaw... I know that you have a high possibility of rejecting what I have to tell you, but...." She gulped, concern and guilt puncturing her stomach. She then felt as if the secret she was preparing to admit became thorns caught in her throat, and she slightly cowered down toward the ground. "But... I'll... tell you anyway... Just.. please don't panic..." She gulped again, her gaze melting into his. She couldn't continue at the moment, for her mind went blank for a second. Then, she blinked a couple of times and waited to see if Ripplepaw would like for her to continue.

[xradx]

Ripplepaw followed Gingerpaw into the den and listened carefully. Gingerpaw was obviously very unsure of what she was about to say, and Ripplepaw was becoming more nervous at an exponential rate. But he wanted to know what she had to say, it could be important, and he would never leave a friend hanging. "Go on." His voice was warm as he tried to make her feel comfortable enough to talk. He wasn't sure if it disguised his fear or not, but he hoped so. Besides, he told himself, How bad could it be? He didn't answer that question, because he already knew the answer; it could possibly be very bad.

[.&&. Snowsong.]

Gingerpaw nodded slightly when Ripplepaw told her to go on. She tried to speak, but she coughed, as if she was choking upon her own words. She closed her gaze and soon calmed down enough to speak. "Ripplepaw.... It took me so much to try to fight the secret, but.. I had to give in, for it was true..." Her tone was slightly shaky, and it had sorrow, pain, and regret within its depths. "I'm... I'm in love with you..." she breathlessly finished, and then slumped to the ground. "I didn't mean to fall in love with you, and... and I'm sorry.." She somewhat curled into a ball, but then uncoiled her figure and got to her paws. Her gaze shifted to his again, and again, it began to melt into his. Only, this time, regret and terror was within its depths; what was in store for them, now that she had told him her most feared and regretted secret?

[xradx]

Ripplepaw was speechless. He had no idea what to say, he was a medicine cat. He couldn't fall in love, and Gingerpw couldn't be in love with him. But she was, and he wasn't. For what seemed like forever all he could feel was the silence that surrounded them both. It seemed to dig into his soul, filling him with regret. Had he lead her on? Was this his fault? He didn't know what to say, he couldn't say anything. Never had he felt so unsure. He liked Gingerpaw, but he didn't love her, did he? Of course not, he couldn't. He was a medicine cat. He loved that, he loved helping his clan and keeping them safe from sickness and injury. He loved knowing all the herbs and what they did, that was what he loved. Or at least what he thought he loved. Now everything seemed so unclear; his future, his destiny, his connection to starclan. For a second he was about to give it all up for Gingerpaw. But he couldn't. He just couldn't. His eyes dropped to the floor, "No..." It was all he could say, the rest of the words were stuck in his throat. He couldn't look at her, or make eye contact. All Ripplepaw wanted to do in that moment was disappear. No... The word lingered in his head, casting a ghostly shadow over his heart.

[.&&. Snowsong.]

Gingerpaw's breath completely caught in her throat as Ripplepaw said no. She nodded slightly, showing that she understood, and then collapsed. She felt tears streaming down her maw, but her gaze remained locked with Ripplepaw's. "I'm so sorry, Ripplepaw... Just... don't think you have to like me.." She forced a light smile to play at her lips. "I'll heal...." She doubted her words were true; it was probably a lie. How could she heal, when she felt so horrible, so much of a curse and burden. Her gaze clamped shut, and a light weep escaped her maw.

[xradx]

Ripplepaw thought he would cry too, but he kept himself as calm as he could. But he couldn't bear to watch her like this. Guilt came crashing over him in a huge wave, seeming to drown him in misery. He kept willing himself to disappear, not sure how to fix this. He wanted more than anything just to go back and do... something. But it was too late now, and all of a sudden all those horrible omens came back to him. The bird, the fire, the horrible feelings of dispair. It all made sense. Should he have seen this coming? He wanted to run deep into the forest, but his paws were stuck in place. Ripplepaw was just stuck there, in that terrible silence. What could he do now? What was left to say?

[.&&. Snowsong.]

After another moment, silence began to creep into their ears. Gingerpaw was slightly curled into a cat apprentice ball; whatever you would consider it. Her gaze wasn't clamped shut, just lightly closed, and her forced faint smile had disappeared completely. She was breathing slightly heavy from the several weeps and the crying. She soon reopened her gaze to slits, and her figure finally shifted. She got to her paws, and her gaze lost all of its brightness that once was. Her empty gaze shifted to Ripplepaw, and she forced another faint smile. "I'm sorry, I'll try to be strong." Inside, she scoffed at her own words; it was as if everything positive she said were just lies, insincere statements.

With a faint sigh escaping her maw, her gaze shifted to the darkest corner of the den. "You... You won't tell anyone about... this... will you..?" She hoped he wouldn't; it would be the last of her if he did. It felt as if her heart had hardened into near stone, or ice at least. Her heart felt heavy, and she didn't think becoming a warrior was worth living like this; nothing would ever be the same again, no matter how much she would desire for it to be the routine she was oh so accustomed to. her gaze shifted to Ripplepaw, and it dug into his gaze rather than melted. She felt as if she held a grudge for herself, but she didn't allow Ripplepaw to be capable of sensing that. It would only make things worse, and she had enough just the way things had become.

[xradx]

Ripplepaw's eyes filled with sympathy. He didn't love Gingerpaw, but he didn't want her to have to go through this. He lifted his tail to rest on her should, hoping to comfort her, but he doubted it would halp anything. This was just all wrong. All to terribly wrong. He shook his head when she asked if he would tell. "I won't tell a soul, I promise. I'm sorry Gingerpaw, I just... I just can't." As he watched her he felt the guilt surrounding him once again. How could he do that to her? How could he make her suffer so much? But he couldn't turn his back on his clan, on his duties, on the warrior code. He just couldn't. Over and over again in his mind he searched for an answer, but none came.

[.&&. Snowsong.]

Gingerpaw took a deep breath, and then froze after closing her gaze. She attempted to clear her mind and think straight and thoroughly. When she succeeded, she reopened her gaze and forced a faint smile to play at her lips. "Thanks for trying to comfort me, but, it's alright. Nothing is going to change anymore." What she actually meant was that she wouldn't exactly heal, but she didn't want Ripplepaw to know; she desired for him to think she meant that this occurrence wasn't going to change anything. She then slightly cleared her throat, sharply veering her gaze out of his. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think we should get back to Camp..." She glanced back at him, her pained expression relaxing somewhat. She then padded closer to him. She brushed her pelt against his for a second, enjoying the warmth while it lasted, and then padded to the entrance of the hole. "I'm sorry, but I just thought it would help me feel a bit better..." It actually worked, but she didn't want to admit it. She then turned her back to him and padded a few steps outside.

[xradx]

Ripplepaw nodded and slowly padded to join Gingerpaw outside of the den. The sun had progressed in the sky and he wondered how long he had been in there. As he was about to make his way back to camp, he turned his grey head to Gingerpaw. "I'm sorry Gingerpaw. I am so terribly sorry." The words seemed pointless, as if they would do nothing to ease Gingerpaw's pain, but they were all he could give her. Silently he wished she had not told him, so that they could still be friends. Ripplepaw wanted more than anything just to be friends with her, but he couldn't blame her for that. How could he? Not with all the guilt on his shoulders. But his face darkened as he realized they could probably never be friends again, not after this.

[.&&. Snowsong.]

Gingerpaw nodded slightly, allowing him to take a head start before she began to pad toward Camp. "It's alright, Ripplepaw... If you want, we can still be friends and ignore the fact that... you know..." She figured that the statement was pointless now; they would likely never be able to remain friends after what had just occurred. She blamed herself for this, and half of her felt like blaming it upon Ripplepaw, but how could she? She was the one who fell for him, she was the one who had admitted it; it was too late to take back now, the damage had been inflicted.

[xradx]

Ripplepaw knew that they could never actually be friends again. Sure they could pretend, but it would never be the same. Never. Though it hurt him to know that, he understood that it would hurt Gingerpaw to much. "Not if it hurts you Gingerpaw. I would never do that to you." He slowly began padding toward camp, his head hung lower than usual. As he had walked to meet Gingerpaw he was worried she was in some sort of danger or had found something that could hurt the clan. He never would've guessed the truth, and secretly he knew he should have. Looking back he realized that they had been close, maybe a little too close. And now he just felt awful. All those omens seemed to lead directly to this. Or did they? As he thought back on everything, he wondered if this really was the end. Could it really get worse? Ripplepaw swallowed, feeling darkness well up inside of him. For it could get worse. It could get much worse, and that frightened him more than anything.

[.&&. Snowsong.]

"Ripplepaw, wait! It won't hurt me if we're just friends! I don't..." She paused, shaking her head furiously. "I don't want to be so far away from each other! Being friends is good enough!" She yowled after him, tears beginning to well up in her gaze as she thought he would turn that down. "I want to be friends if we can't love; I want to have something to do with you, even if it's just a speck of friendship!" She slightly panted from the yowling. She felt like hurling herself through the undergrowth to get to Ripplepaw and feel his warmth, but she hindered herself; it wouldn't be worth it. "... Please don't leave it to end without having a speck of connection..." she whispered under her breath, all the pain pouring out in that small statement.